I'm super tired of being bummed out. I don't like it. There is soooo much keeping me down right now, and only a handful of things that legitimately make me happy.

I'm tired of constantly complaining. I know it's not fun to be around at all, but even on a night like tonight where I start out in a fantastic mood, there's always a series of bullshit to knock me back into depression.

Whatever. Fuck everyone.

I'll just work my shitty job, constantly going in and out of debt until I die, just like everyone fucking else. 

 I had the opportunity of a lifetime. It may not seem like a big deal to someone with a future, but for a poor, uneducated slob like myself, it was the opportunity of a lifetime. I had a real chance of working at Tower Tattoo. Denise worked really hard to get me a shot at the job, and one of the artists there was even pulling for me. It would've just been reception work, but still. It's a great job, and one of the artists there started as a receptionist; if she could break into tattooing that way, so could I. All I had to do was get down there by 10:30 AM.

Instead, I set my alarm for 10:00 PM.

Apparently I fucking hate myself.

I am so lost right now. I don't know why I fuck myself over like this. It'd be easy to say "Well, God must not want me to work there", but then I have a feeling God's up there going "Woah, don't put this on me! You did that shit to yourself!".

Suicidal months to come, I'm guessing.

 Same old, same old.

I've been waking up really early over the last couple days. Well, early for me anyway. I kinda like it, except it makes the day feel longer than it should be. And kinda takes away my excuse for never getting anything done.

Money is stressing me out. I'm gonna continue to ignore that particular issue. Mo' money, mo' problems. Fuck it.

It's felt really good to finally practice with The Martyrs again. To start playing songs that I've had written for almost a year; hear what they sound like with more than just an acoustic guitar. It's been very nice.

I've been oddly motivated at work lately. I guess I've just realized that there are way worse places I could be working. Plus, I really want a promotion. I feel I'm a little too old and skilled to still be earning minimum wage.

I started hanging out with friends again this week. It feels like it's been forever since I've done that. The logical conclusion to jump to is that I spend too much time with Sarah. There are two things wrong with that: 1. There's no such thing as too much time with Sarah. 2. She and I don't even get to spend that much time together! And when we do, chances are she's doing homework.

xkenneyx has somehow snuck into being one of my best friends. Not so sure how or when that happened, but I'm glad. He's been a VERY good friend to me, and I feel like hanging out with him has helped me become a better person.

Anyway, Punk Rock, Fuck you, and all the rest.

 It is almost 4 in the AM and I am tired. Sarah is typing a dumb paper about dumb stuff so I decided to make a dumb livejournal... which is dumb.

Probably gonna make my patented walk to 711. I told Sarah I wouldn't go to sleep 'til she's done wither her dumb paper, so I might as well get some dumb air and buy some dumb smokes. Smoking is dumb.

I have to go to dumb work tomorrow and work with some dumb co-worker who ISN'T xkenneyx.

The Martyrs had practice today for the first time in over 2 months. It wasn't dumb. It was amazing. Not practicing is dumb.